This Mother’s Day feels different than those before. Every year I am thankful for the opportunity to celebrate my mom — for whom a separate essay could be written on her unconditional love, loyalty and determination — but this year, I am expecting a baby girl of my own in June.
If I thought practicing law was hard, or that practicing law as a woman was hard, practicing law when pregnant has posed its own set of challenges. And being a new mom and a lawyer promises to be even harder yet. Fortunately, I am not alone in this journey. Nor is it a journey that other women have not already made, including many of the most successful women at the law firm where I work, Sidley Austin. This Mother’s Day, I am thankful for the shared experiences and support of women and mothers in the legal field.
Ours is a profession that values prestige, reputation and power. The result is a steady stream of pressure to attain these things. It starts in law school, when a tremendous amount of pressure is placed on achieving top grades. It continues in practice. As an associate, I simultaneously hold myself to a standard of perfection, while my colleagues and my inner critic remind me that I am not perfect. And, as far as I can tell, the pressure does not go away as you are promoted to partner and beyond. If anything, the pressure only increases as you must not only be an excellent lawyer but also an excellent saleswoman, manager and executive.
Layer on top of this the challenges of being a woman in the legal field. From before our first day of practice, we hear about the elusive goal of “having it all.” So we are pressured to achieve not only at work but also at home, and without ever dropping a ball. This is unrealistic and impossible — and why America Ferrara’s iconic monologue in Barbie ripped through America. One of my favorite excerpts of her monologue is, “You have to be a boss, but you can’t be mean. You have to lead, but you can’t squash other people’s ideas. You’re supposed to love being a mother, but don’t talk about your kids all the [] time.”
Last year was the busiest of my career. It was a year of incredible opportunities and victories, but I had also never worked harder hours. In the middle of a valley, I learned exciting news — that the next nine months would look different and that my life would never be the same, in the best possible way. As my workload eventually ebbed and pregnancy symptoms flowed, it soon became apparent that I needed to share the secret that I had been keeping and get advice from women who had been through exactly what I was going through.
I could not have asked for more support and encouragement. When I first shared the news with my mentor, who also happens to hold more accolades and leadership positions than I could list while also having children of her own, she cheered with excitement, hugged me and immediately helped me start planning how I could maximize career opportunities and my health.
And that was just the beginning. I am beyond fortunate to work at a law firm with no shortage of women who have risen to the top of the legal field without sacrificing their families. They laid out the good, the bad and the ugly of balancing pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood with a successful career.
They celebrated and laughed with me. They shared stories of when their pregnancy emotions got the best of them and they suddenly found themselves crying about conference room reservations. They commiserated with me. They shared stories of when all they could eat were pickles, crackers and ginger ale. Or when they too could not keep their eyes open in the middle of a workday. They warned me away from pushing myself too hard. They emphasized to me how important it is to stay healthy. One partner told me about how she had faced complications near the end of her pregnancy and the support she had received to take care of herself. She encouraged me to come to her without hesitation if anything like that happened to me.
Ultimately, they helped me see that, while the path forward would not be easy, it was eminently doable. This Mother’s Day, I can’t help but reflect on the support that I have received. I am forever thankful for the mentors and champions who have paved the way and who will be there for the countless other questions and difficulties that will arise as I navigate being a new mom and a lawyer.
Tayler G. Bragg is a litigation managing associate in the Dallas office of Sidley Austin.