June is my favorite month of the year. I love the sun, I love summer (it doesn’t hurt that it’s my birthday month), but most of all I love that June is Pride Month.. For me, Pride is the proverbial Christmas morning. I celebrate every year with friends, colleagues and allies. For me, while the celebration is pure joy, it’s also a time of reflection. It’s been a long, hard fight for me and so many other LGBTQ+ friends around the world.
I came out right after I graduated law school, just as I was beginning my career. My coming out was hard, and the experience changed me in many ways — mostly for the better, I hope. But there are still pieces of the experience that I carry with me and work through in quiet moments. I lost important relationships. I was young, broke and embarking on a career I made up in my dreams. I had no idea what I was doing, and I was alone.
I found solace in public spots that openly displayed the pride flag — shops, restaurants, bars and libraries. At work, I sought out allies. I looked for Pride flags or other indications of allyship among my colleagues. As soon as I found allies or any display that my workplace supported me, I could breathe out. I didn’t have to dodge personal questions or water cooler conversations about the weekend.
Once I realized I didn’t have to hide, my focus was on my job. I could focus on being a lawyer. I worked a lot, and I learned a lot. It’s a privilege to be a lawyer, and I am lucky to be in a profession I love, but I wouldn’t have made it this far without directed allyship.
Directed allyship refers to the active support and advocacy of allies towards the LGBTQ+ community. Allyship should not be underestimated. It can help advance the career of a member of the LGBTQ+ community in several ways. Allies can amplify LGBTQ+ voices, advocate for inclusive policies and create safe spaces. Educated allies challenge stereotypes, promote understanding and foster acceptance. Allies can connect LGBTQ+ individuals with opportunities, mentorship and professional networks. They can provide critical sponsorship to the LGBTQ+ population. Many provided critical sponsorship to me throughout my career.
Allyship goes beyond self-designation; it involves actively supporting and advocating for marginalized groups. It’s action, not just labels or intentions. Allies can help raise awareness about the challenges and discrimination faced by LGBTQ+ individuals in the workplace and work towards creating a more equitable and inclusive environment. A 2018 survey found that 46 percent of LGBTQ+ workers remained closeted at work, and 20 percent considered changing jobs due to an unwelcoming environment. I left jobs that did not foster allyship. I couldn’t succeed in a situation where I was worried about hiding in order to be considered for promotions or to feel comfortable in conversations with my supervisors.
Fifteen years after coming out, I’m much more confident in who I am. I look back on 25-year-old me and I wish I could tell her it gets better; I wish she knew that she’d find acceptance, family and success. I am more than happy. I am content. I have a wonderful partner who I adore, and we live a happy life with our three dogs in Houston. We have strong allies both in our personal lives and in our workplaces. I’m fortunate to work at a law firm that supports me and fosters directed allyship in the workplace.
Pride month is almost over here in Houston, and I still reflect on how far we’ve come and how far we have to go. Have we reached full equality for LGBTQ+ people? Of course not. We’ve made great strides, but we still have a long way to go. My partner and I will get married in October. While I can’t wait to marry her, we moved the date up by a year to marry before the November election. There are cities we avoid, and there are places when we travel where we travel as “friends” — we don’t hold hands or give any indication that we are a couple. All of your LGBTQ+ friends experience the same. I hope one day LGBTQ+ rights are a given.
Our trans friends need us more than ever right now. One small way we can display allyship to our trans colleagues is by putting our pronouns in our signature blocks. I will support them, and I will support their career, and I encourage you to do the same.
I will forever appreciate those allies and sponsors who helped me succeed in my career. I could not have made it this far without them. Thank you to The Texas Lawbook for its commitment to diverse voices through articles like these. And thank you to my firm, Jackson Walker, for continuing to promote minority voices.
Happy Pride, Texas.
Genevieve “Gen” Graham is a Bankruptcy, Restructuring, & Recovery Partner in the Houston office of Jackson Walker.