During the past 25 years, I have covered jury trials in 23 states. I covered the trial of Manuel Noriega in Florida and the Exxon Valdez case in Alaska. When Morris Dees selected the jury in the Atlanta case to bankrupt the Ku Klux Klan, I was there.
During my career as a lawyer/journalist, I’ve heard some outrageous excuses and extraordinary efforts of folks trying to avoid jury service. In addition, lawyers across the country have told me their stories – some of them I bet are even true.
Below are my top 10 favorites:
10. “I know this is a civil case, but can we still hand down the death penalty?”
9. “Your Honor, this may not matter but I have informed the State Department that I am renouncing my U.S. citizenship and relocating to North Korea.”
8. “Oh, I’m sorry, your Honor. I was so enthralled reading Mein Kampf that I missed your question.”
7. “Do we get to take the drug evidence back into the jury room?”
6. “I’m sure I could be fair, your Honor, but the defendant sure looks an awful lot like my ex-wife.
5. Judge: I sentence you to four years in prison for distribution of cocaine. Defendant: But your Honor, I have jury service in your court next week.
4. “But Judge, a three-week trial would cause me to miss the annual cross burning of the Knights of the Ku Klux Klan, and I’m up for Grand Dragon this year.
3. Mr. Jones: Your Honor, I’ve seen 12 Angry Men. I know how it is done. I want to be put on this jury. Judge: But Mr. Jones, you’re a witness in the courtroom next door, not a juror in this case.
2. Juror: I’m a Chicago Cubs fan. Judge: Juror is dismissed for a lifetime of hardships.
1. “Let me get this straight. You’re the guy’s defense lawyer and you’re telling us that there’s a video showing your client killing the victim, that he later confessed to it and that the DNA proves it is him, but you’re asking me if I can still keep an open mind about his guilt or innocence? Sure.